Memoir

Parents divorce

            Standing there watching my little sister cry, pulling on my mom’s nightgown, wanting her to pick her up. My mom screaming, yelling, arguing with my dad back and forth, throwing his clothes and bags out the door. My dad standing there a bit drunk like always, slurring on his words, trying to apologize for his mistakes, but my mom won’t listen. Like always, my dad smells like a long day’s work and beer. Dressed in holey jeans that have dry cement on them and dirt stains with his JFS Landscaping shirt on and a hat that would slightly cover his pretty green eyes. Still stuck at amazed, I’m trying to figure out what’s going on, until the memory comes back to me: the night of that crazy family party.

            The night of the party, going to my grandmother’s house around midnight, my dad takes me and my sisters upstairs to bed. Minutes later I wanted a little snack, so I went back downstairs, into the kitchen to grab some cookies and something to drink. As I walked into the kitchen I hear the giggling of a women’s voice and the sound of a man’s voice outside on the porch. I walked over hoping nobody would hear my footsteps. Looking out the window hoping they don’t see me peeking out the window and there it was; my face was shocked and I stood there not knowing what to do but to go back upstairs into my bed and to sleep like nothing happened.

             Coming back into reality of my parents arguing, I look into my dad’s face angrily, thinking to myself “Is the reason why my parent’s are arguing is because of that night?” Then it hit me, my dad cheated with another woman. I couldn’t quit see the face of the lady who was sitting on my dad’s lap, flirting in his face, kissing on him while his hands were wrapped around her waist. I knew that lady wasn’t my mom. She was skinnier and lighter than my mom; she was mixed.  Mom in tears, telling my dad repeatedly “Please just leave, Louis.” Finally my dad left, head down with the left over bags of what my mom hadn’t thrown out the door yet, leaving out the door, shutting it peacefully like nothing happened.

          Sitting at the top of the steps looking down to the door, I started to think about a few things. I knew it was going to take me a while to accept the fact that my dad was not coming back through that door. I thought about what would happen next. Would we ever see him again? Where would he live? Does my mom even want us seeing him again? Would my parents get back together? All these questions were running through my head. All night I could hear my sister cry about the fact that my dad left and my mom was quiet like a mouse in her room with my newborn baby sister and, sitting at the edge of her bed, nursing. I got up from the steps and walked slowly to the room that used to be my parent’s room, which is now my mother’s room to check up on her. I looked at her quietly and was a bit scared to ask her a question. What if she yelled at me or just didn’t respond. But slowly it came out: “Mom, when will we become a family again?” She looked up with a smile on her face but I knew deep down inside she wanted to cry again. Her response was, “Sweetie, we are a family.” I was a little upset with her response, because from what I knew a family was made up with a father, mother, kids, and maybe a pet. But I thought again, just because my dad wasn’t living with us doesn’t mean we’re not a family anymore, it’s just we’re not that perfect family you see on television.

           Now that I am older and in college and been through some relationship problems, I have learned many things and understand very well what my parent’s were going through. Not every relationship or marriage is going to be perfect. Couples have their ups and downs. Problems in a relationship can either be worked out or it can stay the way it is and not get resolved. Depending on the people in a relationship, depends if they are willing to work things out when a problem arise. According to my parent’s, my mother didn’t want to work anything out with my father but separate from him and move on with her life. Also, knowing that not every child has parents that are still together made me feel better about myself because I knew I wasn’t alone with family issues. Not every relationship or marriage are the same.

              A few days go by and my dad still hasn’t come back home. Instead my mom shows up telling me some news because I was the oldest. I didn’t know how I should have taken the news but I sat, ready to listen to what was about to be told to me. My mom explained to me that she and my dad were not getting back together at all. She was fed up with him and was taking him to court. The inside of my body was getting hot when she said “court”, because I thought she had taken him to jail and he was really gone forever. But I didn’t show her that I was panicking inside; instead I sat there like this didn’t bother me. She continued saying that she was putting my dad on child support and that soon, following by a court order, we would have to see my dad every two weeks. Excitement ran through my blood, ready to jump and scream, “Yay, I’m going to see my dad again!” but once again I sat there very calm like this didn’t matter to me. My mom was looking at me, calling my name repeatedly like I wasn’t listening; I could have been day-dreaming. I wasn’t day dreaming; I was just excited that I would be seeing my dad again, so I’m caught in the moment.

              The phone rings. My mom walks over to the phone and picks it up, saying, “Hello, who is this?” I could hear the sound of an older lady voice over the phone; it sounds a little like my grandmother. Jumping on my mom asking her “Mom who is it, who is it?” and she kept pushing me away saying “Tatiana, go sit down somewhere, I’m on the phone.” I looked at her to figure out her facial expression and just stood there staring at her, hoping finally she would tell me who it was. She turns around and walk into the living room to sit on the couch. I was hoping she was going to come back to me, but instead she sat there. I gave it a few minutes and waited until she got off the phone with whoever it was. I walked into the living room and saw that her head was down into her hands, crying again, blaming herself, and saying “It’s my fault, it’s my fault, and it’s my fault”. I asked her “Mom what’s going on? What’s your fault? What did you do, Mom?”  She would not answer my question, but instead she yelled at me “TATIANA, GO TO YOUR ROOM NOW!” I was shocked because my mom never really quite yell at me before; her voice got a little loud, but she never yelled at me. Now I thought to myself, it’s my fault. I went into my room where my sister was, playing with her Barbie dolls, happily. I sat along with her and watched her as she played with her Barbie and the Barbie house my parents bought for me for my birthday. This Barbie house had to been the biggest Barbie house any girl could have. I was excited this day when I got this house, because this was all I wanted for my birthday from both my parents. This is when we were a happy family.

                My mom came into my room to tell us some news. By the look on her face it seemed like something went very wrong. She sat us down to tell us that our dad is in jail and that she doesn’t know when he would be getting out, but it would be for awhile. Questions ran through my head again, why is he in jail? What did he do? But the important question of all was “Why was my mom blaming herself?” I mean, all she told us was that he was in jail, but didn’t tell us for what, though. I was upset again – no, I was extremely angry, because just right when I got the news that my mom was going to allow us to see him again, there the chance of us seeing him again was ruined. I wonder what my mom did and why she was blaming herself.

            Many days of arguments and many feelings flying around, at the end of the day, my dad was gone. If my dad didn’t cheat on my mom, our family would probably still be the same as it was before the incident that occurred that night of the family party. Things happen, and when things happens, it happens for a reason, which is considered as life. Many people don’t know at all times the reason to why things happen, but we live on to find the answers to some of the challenges we run into. Take life as it is and move on if it is easy for you as a person to do so. As a child I wasn’t ready to accept my parent’s divorce but as I got older I had to accept it and move on.